Rhodes Rhesponse - Media Approved

**Media Release - Clearance Approved**

Due to certain recent events, accusations have been made centring on two core issues. I refer to reports by Mr SatNav yesterday via email which clearly state:

    1.“Bullet may have to re-spray his Astana coloured Trek for fear of guilt by association,” and 2.“- his escalation in form in his 7 months of riding has been quite remarkable.....”

Whilst loathe to dignify such spurious claims that verge on outrageous at best and libellous at worst,  with any sort of response;  I am compelled to protect my reputation which has been called into question; the damage from which  I may never recover.

To the first point:

There can be no question that I gain an advantage from riding such an attractive two-wheeled steed as this. However, it does not so much enhance my riding performance as diminish that of the peloton.

I empathise with you as ponder the delicate interplay of pastel colours, the clean lines and divine decals, the subtle Euro styling – let’s face it, it’s downright hot! I too would be spellbound by such a sight, my legs too would go to jelly, and my impetus to drive onwards would desert me. I don’t blame you; you’re only human, after all.

I can only apologise for that which Providence has deigned to bless me in ample abundance….. it’s a burden, but one I carry with appropriate martyrdom.

To the second point:

I admit that recent tests have returned higher than normal levels of clenbuterol in my system. This is merely a coincidence with my more famous and almost as handsome counterpart. Though uncommon, there is recorded evidence that increased levels of clenbuterol can result from ingesting meat such as beef; the animal being fed the substance in order to reduce fat and create a leaner product.

Independent analysts and medical specialist have been poring over my case in recent hours and have identified the source of this uncommon occurrence in my body chemistry. They have searched, investigated, drilled down, eliminated through process and derived the only possible explanation that can be supported by science – bagels.

We have identified an EWOTY stop in previous weeks where one of the Comrades entreated the group to partake of his bagel in his absence for fear that the establishment would no longer support his dependence – nay, addiction – to the said pastry. I in my naivety agreed and consumed the item, unaware of the calamitous ramifications of this simple action. I never knew that a bagel was made from beef – but there you go. 

The person who made this request I will not name (Mr Bucky), as it is not in my nature to slur a colleague – even when subterfuge and conspiracy have been at play - unlike Mr SatNav, who has seen a target and taken a pot shot with little regard to outcomes and long term effects.

I will continue to work to clear my name, commute with my heart on my sleeve, pee into a jar on demand and never, ever, ever, eat another bagel.

I have nothing to hide, but will not be taking questions.